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He asked me if I was enjoying the intimacy of doing that and I said, “Absolutely.”After I left, I thought maybe I should’ve told him that I’m worried about Dad. Dad’s been showing a brave front, but I’ve been closer to him in the last few days than I’ve ever been and I’m seeing through the facade a bit more. I don’t think he knew how to cope with what happened with Estelle on Friday night. He went along with it because he had no other idea how to fix things. And he went along with it because that’s what he does when he doesn’t know what to do.I don’t think he knew how to cope with Estelle’s collapse on Sunday and then her scan results and then her brain operation. I think it scared him, not that he would admit it. I’m sure it put him off balance. I’m sure he doesn’t know how to fix things with Estelle from here. I think he’s hoping Dr Puretti will do something magical and Estelle will be all better.I don’t think he minded so much when I moved myself into his bed. I think he liked. Holding my breath and feeling like a boy, I wait for your reaction. I’m sure you hear me let my breath out, because as I do you just look up at me and smile. My heart skips a beat and I’m pretty sure you can tell. I can see in your face how you enjoy watching me squirm. My heart is racing and my legs are shaking, but my courage peaks at that moment. I have decided to kiss you. Miraculously, my courage holds. My hand lifts your face to mine as I gently press my lips to yours. The moments I wait to see if you’ll kiss me back seem to drag on forever. Right before my courage fails, you begin to kiss me back. Our first kiss is all I could hope for. It’s not fast, or hard. It is slow, lazy, and full of you. I can feel you in your kiss. We take our time as we softly explore each other. I have said that time stops when you look into the eyes of the one you love, and it is only when you blink that time catches up. This is proven true as we part and the real world suddenly makes itself known.
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